Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
