She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
