I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
