If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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