Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
