Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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