My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
