i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
