what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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