I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
