The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
