im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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