I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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