these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
