Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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