I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
