I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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