i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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