I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
