Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I did not marry a roomba.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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