It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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