Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
