Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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