Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
