we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
