I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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