I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
