he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
