so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
