dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
