i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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