hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
