I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
