Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
