I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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