I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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