I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
