his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
