Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
