Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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