Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
