i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You dont lie about slip and slides
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
