Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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