Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
