I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
