you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
