She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
