I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
