it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
