you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
