I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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