Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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